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[14thcommander]

It's Hange, Hange, Hange! Were you looking for me? I'll get back to you posthaste. Or when it's convenient.

[ communicator & actionspam it's all good ]

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[14thcommander]

Nodding along.

"Which brings us to you asking me if I'm a romantic type..."

[mothmansplaining]

"Yes," Ford says heavily. "Bill told me he did it because he -- he would rather have me out there somewhere, alive and happy, then...in the state he was worried about, with him. He was wrong about the whole thing! He based his assumption on several faulty premises. But...I don't know if it means something, that his motivations were what they were. He thinks it means he -- loves me."

Ford's face twists into a grimace.

"Of course, there's always at least half a dozen reasons Bill does anything," he goes on, testily. "This wasn't just because he thought it was what was necessary to keep me alive. He's afraid of losing me, but apparently, he's more afraid of not being in control over whether that happens! He'd rather be in a bad situation he predicted than a situation he's not in control of! And on top of that, this means he doesn't trust me to keep myself alive!"

It's frustrating and a bit insulting.

"He's still trying to control me," Ford says. "I...really thought we were past that."

[14thcommander]

Stanford carries on talking, and Hange's expression becomes shadowed and sad. She's not a romantic at all, and in fact is the opposite in some ways: people overrate love. They trust their hearts to guide them when hearts aren't reliable at all.

Hange gives her glass a little rotation. The bourbon swirls. It's high quality booze and Hange takes a moment to enjoy the smell and the complex flavor as she sips at it.

"And so... you're wondering what to do now."

Wouldn't want to overstep splashing out opinions.

[mothmansplaining]

A short nod. "Is this the kind of mistake that I should forgive instead of holding it against him?" Ford asks. "Or is forgiving it unbelievably stupid?"

Bill broke his word, broke his trust, and tried to control him. It wasn't done with evil intentions, but it means he's in danger of being manipulated if Bill thinks it's the right thing to do. And he might think Ford will forgive manipulation easily, and try it again.

[14thcommander]

Her eye shifts away from him.

"I think, in general, wardens and inmates maintaining romantic relationships... I think it's risky. I think wardens risk being manipulated in general. I think inmates have a lot to work out and I think any romantic partner is at risk being... a casualty of that, one way or another.

What do you think Bill would do if you told him you didn't want a relationship at all?"

[mothmansplaining]

"Try telling that to some of the people around here," Ford says, uncharitably. "At least when Bill and I started seeing each other, we were both inmates, and I've never been his warden! Although, it...might not have been the healthiest romantic relationship, even then. I don't regret it! But we were both trying to control each other."

He thinks this over.

"Frankly, I think he'd accept it. He knows he screwed up! Besides, breaking us up was what he was going for in the first place. I don't think he'd do anything." Besides maybe mope in the pool.

[14thcommander]

"I know."

Hange spreads her hands briefly. She keeps it to herself for a reason. "And I know you were. And I think it's probably good for him, to be closely connected to humans, invested in them. But I think if you can't trust him, you aren't obligated to stay in a relationship with him because it's good for him and might help him graduate.

If you don't jump right back in bed with him now, it doesn't have to be a permanent break. It doesn't have to be a break from caring about him or being in his life either."

[mothmansplaining]

Man. The one other person on the Barge who thinks it's weird the place is basically a singles' cruise. True, Ford did end up entangled with somebody after all, and he does truly believe wardens are no better categorically than inmates -- but there's a power dynamic. Privileges. There are resentments you feel as an inmate that someone who's never been one won't understand -- someone who's agreed to work within a system you have to be in to live. There's a desperation that comes with knowing that if you disappear, you die, and it's on you to figure out a way out of that.

"Staying in a relationship because I think it's good for him," says Ford, "sounds a lot like staying in a relationship to keep him from blowing up planets. It's still trying to control him." A sip of his drink. "And, since the planetary destruction's out of the picture, well --- keeping leverage on him all the time doesn't feel quite as astronomically important."

He looks over at Hange. "But I do still care about him. Very much. I wouldn't want it to be permanent, I just -- I want him to stop trying to control what I do. And I think I have to break off the romantic part of this until that happens."

[14thcommander]

It would be hard to pull away from Bill after having been chosen by him. Hange can guess, has felt it before - the heady sensation of being in the confidence of a person who doesn't easily trust others, who's accustomed to moving along, pulling away.

"I think that's the smart decision. If it's unacceptable to him - that's valuable information too, isn't it?"

[mothmansplaining]

"I suppose it is." Ford looks down at his drink. "This isn't going to be easy," he says. "We've been close for over a year. He's been there for me when a lot of people weren't. He's one of two beings in all of existence who've ever made me feel like things I've blamed myself for for years weren't my fault!" Turns out they were Bill's fault, but hey! The principle stands.

"I used to be really caught up in the hero thing. You see, if you're the hero, then whatever you don't stop the bad guy from doing is your fault! But really, it's the villain who chose to do it in the first place. It's good that you tried to stop him. It's respectable. Even admirable! But you aren't responsible for decisions they made, or what happens because of it." The drink might be hitting a little; Ford's getting pensive. "I think a lot of people here still feel that way."

[14thcommander]

"To be fair to them, I think the warden-inmate system is set up to foster the idea."

Hange might usually put a comforting hand on shoulder or even dish out a hug for someone whose mood was taking a turn like this, but Ford's too far away. She tops him off instead.

"Even other inmates speak about wanting wardens to take control of their inmates. I'm not sure I see control of other people as a desirable end-game, or even an in-between state... though what do I know about that... maybe if I'd kept better control, I would have been a better leader."

[mothmansplaining]

"I think there's a difference between controlling inmates, many of which didn't ask to be here and can't leave, and leadership," Ford suggests.

He hesitates a moment.

"Can I ask what happened?" Thank you, whiskey. "Or is that too -- personal?" This is said in a tone of complete understanding. Some things are just personal! Not for sharing with just anybody.

[14thcommander]

"They'll be back in charge of their own lives and decisions eventually, if all goes well. Any control a warden takes is only temporary and anyone who believes otherwise is fooling themselves."

It's a sideways agreement but Hange agrees, anyway.

And she looks at Ford. Her expression softens with weariness - it's like watching a rotten spot suddenly overtake a wooden post.

"... How much do you remember about my world, Stanford?"

She shared some information at one point.

[mothmansplaining]

"I recall what you told me about the dimension you wanted to learn more about," says Ford. "I understand it's very dangerous and full of monsters, which you studied outside the walls of your city. And I know your people don't have much hope, outside of a Barge deal."

[14thcommander]

From the beginning then.

"For most of my life, Ford, all of my people lived in the walls. They don't just surround a single city, but all the territory that was ours, the only safe place for a human to even exist. Imagine them as three concentric wings: Wall Maria, Wall Rose, and Wall Sina, each of them with four 'buds', the hero towns. Titans were attracted to high human population density and so the hero towns existed as sacrificial offerings to make sure that any wall breach took place at a more predictable location. They were called hero towns because in the case that occurred, all the residents would be posthumously declared heroes by the monarchy."

Hange allows herself a somewhat cynical smile here.

"That's the world I knew for most of my life. Within the past ten years - the past five, really - we managed to eradicate the titans outside the walls and discovered that we lived on an island, the only one in the world plagued with titans. Instead of being full of insentient giants who wanted to eat us, the world was full of other humans, many of whom hated us and wanted us dead."

[mothmansplaining]

He listens -- surprised by the fact that monsters only existed on one island. Ah yes, the real monster is humanity, of course, of course. Ford wants to hear what Hange has to say, and what it is she blames herself for - really, he does!

But he's got a lot of questions.

"Why on earth did they want you dead?" Ford asks. "Were your people originally put on Titan Island as some kind of prison colony? Or was it more of a...social division problem? I don't see why they wouldn't just leave the titans on the island and avoid it except for scientific study!"

[14thcommander]

"They despise us because we ruled an imperialistic empire for two thousand years." Ho ho, ho ho ho! Everyone's the villain in this world! "We were isolated so that could never happen again. There's remnants of our people on the mainland still, but they no longer hold any social power like that. It's not like I don't understand their hatred for us, honestly, but none of my people currently alive were involved in our empire, and I don't believe mass slaughter is right either way. I don't want us to have an empire, I don't want us to commit genocidal acts on other populations, and I don't want them to commit them on us."

[mothmansplaining]

He winces! An imperialistic empire isn't great, but neither is rounding up a certain kind of person and putting them somewhere to die.

"Yes, yes, that's very reasonable," he says. "Please -- continue."

[14thcommander]

Swing and a miss, but he didn't say it and Hange still won't explain some things. She looks at him for a moment and then wades back into it.

"Anyway - I've been a member of the scouts for most of my life. Under Commander Erwin Smith, I became section commander - think of it like one of his seconds." She sinks down in her chair, staring at her whiskey. "For most of my life our history was a mystery. It was suppressed with violence when necessary and people were discouraged from questioning the accepted truths of our world... the scouts were an unpopular military branch, since our job was exploring outside the walls and researching titans. Think of it like a catchment for misfits and political radicals, with the crown not shedding too many tears for the high death rate. On a pivotal expedition to reclaim contested territory Erwin gave his life in battle and... and he had time to declare me commander before he died." Glazed eye, voice trending towards monotone. It hurts her to talk and think about. "I didn't want the post. I'm not suited for it. I liked being Erwin's second, but... with how things went, I couldn't refuse his wish. We recovered information in that battle too that told us about the outside world and the truth that had been denied us for ten decades..."

[mothmansplaining]

Ford listens to her story, attentive and quiet.

"I'm sorry you lost him," he says. "And a position you liked. What happened next? What happened when you came back with the information?"

[14thcommander]

"We had enacted a coup by then and raised a new king sympathetic to the cause to the throne. So that part wasn't a problem." She's skipping a lot of extraneous chaos in this story. "And we shared all this information with the public - it seemed pointless to be secretive, dangerous even. We all needed to pull together to save our people, everyone needed to know. And we did... pretty well.

But one of my subordinates, by the name of Eren Jaeger - he was a pivotal support for war effort. After we learned all this he drastically changed."

Her eye droops closed.

"He used to be such a bright kid. Passionate, with a fiery temper at times, but also so full of curiosity about the world, really a good friend to his squadmates... I had such hopes for him... he stole away from our island and infiltrated the Eldian population on the mainland. From there he launched a devastating terrorist attack on a civilian gathering. I don't know how many died, but let's just say there were plenty of casualties and it was clear the attack came from our island.

I had hoped to negotiate with Marley, but since the attack was instigated by us, it became that much harder, even though Eren planned it himself and did it without official support... it's impossible to give him up to Marley as a goodwill gesture for a variety of reasons. We retrieved him and I put him in jail. That's mostly because I needed to decide what the next best move would be.

He broke out and led a coup against us. He cares about Historia, the king, so he'll probably try to keep her safe, but... Stanford, we didn't maintain a two-thousand year empire by being nice or kind. The Eldian people still have weapons hidden on the island of Paradis. Eren will absolutely unleash those on the world. He'll eradicate every other human in the world so the Eldians of Paradis Island can live in peace."

[mothmansplaining]

"Oh. Gosh, that's a -- that's a terrible situation," Ford says, with sympathy in his tone even if the words are clumsy. "I'm sorry that that's what you're facing."

He hesitates, then goes on.

"So that's why you intend to relocate your people?" he confirms. "To end the fighting, and prevent this Eren from using those weapons?"

[14thcommander]

Hange slouches down in her chair as if melting there, and closes her eyes briefly. It's tiring to think about... tiring to talk about.

"Yes. I tried to negotiate before he attacked but - two thousand years of our empire, Stanford. Two thousand years of them hating us. There's discussion of declaring Eldians nonhuman so human rights concerns won't apply to... whatever our fate is."

[mothmansplaining]

"Eesh." Ford winces. "I'd want to make a quick exit, too."

He considers the outline of the story she's told, letting the alcohol settle a little further.

"Do you feel responsible for what he did?" Ford asks. His tone doesn't imply that he thinks she should. He wants to know how she feels.

[14thcommander]

"Sort of?" It's not said in a very sure way. "I'm his CO, Erwin. I, and all the people of Eldia, will be seen as responsible for this. And I wonder if there's a time when I could have caught it... turned him back from this path... we used to be pretty close. But how close can we have been if this is happening?"