Secrets tend to become revealed here. Losing a friendship I was attached to because my past came to light on its own would be worse than someone seeing that and self-selecting out.
[Hange misses her too, sometimes. The strength of that anger. The sense of self-righteousness.]
She's still me. With me. She needed to change. Some of the ways she existed were... maladaptive. Her temper drove away comrades and friends and blinded her to certain things. When she became more moderated, her vision was clearer.
[it's not really entirely intended to be directed towards Demona, although if Demona took something from it, Hange would be quietly pleased to have guessed correctly.]
I changed a lot after that. You didn't meet me at seventeen or twenty-five... it took lots of work... it's hard to do, reinventing yourself...
[Of course Hange is curious, but 1) she's not Demona's warden 2) there's time 3) she can easily picture the other woman storming off in a snit if pressed improperly.]
Anyway. That thirteen-year-old is still with me, I hope... and I accomplished what she wanted to do, if not in the way she pictured. She'd probably think I'd lost it if I described my approach, but it worked, Demona.
Well, I started observing titans really closely. They're what I spent most of my time studying... I tried to talk to them and be kind to them... so many people hated them over the years and it didn't lead them to any solutions. I thought, well, people will think I'm insane, but this is how I want to do it and how I prefer it! And when I softened, I could watch them more closely. I could still kill them, don't mistake me, but I moved towards designing weaponry and strategy to counter how they actually behaved, not how I thought they'd behave when I just looked at them and hated them and didn't think any deeper about it...
They never spoke back to me. As a rule they don't... speak. They are insentient. I'll show you sometime if you really want.
Most people never came close to them. Most people stayed as far away as possible. I think there was a population-wide effort not to think of it, and them, and how entrapped we were, how fragile our existence.
[It's most of all that titans can't be treated kindly and restrained at the same time. They're bound in frames, or nailed to the ground, or both. Hange would not want Demona to see that; she'd rather prevent even the whisper of a thought from entering the woman's head, Hange would do this to me.]
Uh. I don't have a schedule. We can pick a day and time!
[Since this is before the Admiral demands everyone take a job, lol.]
Edited (i forgot i wanted to add that internal monologue >: () 2020-04-06 06:30 (UTC)
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Hmm, give me a minute... I've shared this...
[She's going to go digging. It takes several minutes; Hange is a bit awkward on the network, but soon enough she sends off a post ID to Demona.]
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Until, finally.]
Why would you make such an announcement?
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Well, did any of these weaklings actually tell you off?
[So Hange tortured someone? She's not impressed.]
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[She makes a disgusted face.]
I think I miss the fire of your younger self.
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[Hange misses her too, sometimes. The strength of that anger. The sense of self-righteousness.]
She's still me. With me. She needed to change. Some of the ways she existed were... maladaptive. Her temper drove away comrades and friends and blinded her to certain things. When she became more moderated, her vision was clearer.
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But she won't.]
Oh? And what is it you see now?
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[it's not really entirely intended to be directed towards Demona, although if Demona took something from it, Hange would be quietly pleased to have guessed correctly.]
I changed a lot after that. You didn't meet me at seventeen or twenty-five... it took lots of work... it's hard to do, reinventing yourself...
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You sound like Goliath...
But he is wrong and so are you.
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[a swallowed chuckle.]
What was Goliath after?
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[She waves her hand in vague circles.]
Peace and prosperity between humans and gargoyle, probably.
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You and your heart can stay well away from him.
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Have you not heard the phrase before? He's not even here, is he?
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[Well, she's really embarrassed herself now.]
No. He is not. If I am lucky, he never will be. Forget I said anything about it.
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[Of course Hange is curious, but 1) she's not Demona's warden 2) there's time 3) she can easily picture the other woman storming off in a snit if pressed improperly.]
Anyway. That thirteen-year-old is still with me, I hope... and I accomplished what she wanted to do, if not in the way she pictured. She'd probably think I'd lost it if I described my approach, but it worked, Demona.
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[Hange rightly guesses Demona isn't in a sharing mood.]
But how did it work?
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Of course! Know thy enemy. I'm can't believe you were the first to have come up with that idea.
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Most people never came close to them. Most people stayed as far away as possible. I think there was a population-wide effort not to think of it, and them, and how entrapped we were, how fragile our existence.
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[Typical weak humans, not willing to face the horrors before them. But then that makes Hange the exception to the rule...]
Show me how?
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[Probably it would be a lot to show Demona her experimental grounds with captive titans.]
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[Demona wouldn't be particularly disturbed by that.]
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Uh. I don't have a schedule. We can pick a day and time!
[Since this is before the Admiral demands everyone take a job, lol.]
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wait better