ic contact

[14thcommander]

It's Hange, Hange, Hange! Were you looking for me? I'll get back to you posthaste. Or when it's convenient.

[ communicator & actionspam it's all good ]

Comments

[beejfu]

[Sullen sounding]

I need a favor.

[14thcommander]

You want all your powers back and for me to take you titan-killing? I'm afraid they're all already dead, Betelgeuse.

[beejfu]

Christ, babes. No.

Bill killed Big Sandy.

[14thcommander]

What, or who, is Big Sandy?

[beejfu]

My giant 30 foot long sandworm.

[14thcommander]

I.

You had a thirty foot worm?

[beejfu]

She was more like a snake than a worm. Biologically speaking. A real man-eater.

[14thcommander]

Alright, that's it, I have to start doing room inspections.

[beejfu]

I need you to bring her back, Hange!

[14thcommander]

The thirty-foot-long capable-of-devouring-humans snake.

[beejfu]

She had a name! I raised her. She used to try and murder me whenever I fell asleep within grabbing range of her tongue. It was adorable.

[14thcommander]

I.

Will ask the Admiral.

But I will also ask him to shrink her.

[beejfu]

What?

Why?!

[14thcommander]

[DEEP BREATH. FIND THE CALM. INJECT THE WARMTH IN THE TONE.]

Betelgeuse, I approve of your care for this... housemate. It's a beautiful, wonderful thing! But what wouldn't be a beautiful, wonderful thing, is if you set her loose on the barge, to eat people.

[beejfu]

You don't think I've already tried that?!

She didn't fit through the cabin door!

[14thcommander]

Well, if she's small enough to fit through the door, she'll be small enough to carry around and show her off!

[beejfu]

Ugh. Fine.

Just.

Just please bring her back, all right? Her self esteem is going to be aching enough as it is from being murdered and then shrunk and I just. The corpse smell in here is starting to make my eyes water.

[He sniffles. this is an outrageous lie]

1/2

[14thcommander]

Ho ho ho, I know that's a lie, because your smell doesn't make your eyes water. I know you're sad about your roommate!

[14thcommander]

The secret dies with me.

[beejfu]

Okay literally the only reason I'm not murdering you for putting me on blast in that way is that you're right and I'm sad and this SUCKS and if you tell anyone I got sad over something dying then the deal is off.

Now would you please just bring her back?

[14thcommander]

Keep your scalp on, I'm asking.

[beejfu]

Okay. Okay.

I'm fine. I'll just be pacing in front of the corpse of a friend and running my hands through my hair in a desperate attempt to keep it all together.

[14thcommander]

I wanna come over and see this, actually.

The snake, not you pacing.

[beejfu]

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

I'm having a funeral party for her now.

[14thcommander]

[In a couple minutes: knock knock.

I don't think she's ever been in Betelgeuse's rooms before!]